The girl behind this blog is a 26 year old wife and mom to two beautiful children: Kate-5 and Daniel- 10. (It doesn't take a math whiz to realize pretty quickly that I was a teen mom) I married the man of my dreams when we were 19 years old in March of 2007. Not a day goes by that I don't count myself as blessed. Truly blessed. We are a Christian family that stands firm on what we believe, but we aren't the pushy type. ;-)
I have a passion for writing, running, my family, food, living a healthy life in more ways than just physical, and of course living a life directed by God.
I've always enjoyed writing. All the way down to feeling the pen in my hand and seeing a blank lined piece of paper that was just waiting for me to write down my thoughts. I've kept numerous journals or "diaries" as I was growing up. It was my way of getting out all of my emotions and feelings. The paper couldn't respond to what I wrote down. They were my thoughts and no one was there to discredit them.
I struggled with my self esteem and what I saw in the mirror for years. Especially after giving birth to my son when I was 16 years old. I was verbally and emotionally abused by his biological father which made the thoughts in my head worse. I eventually became bulimic and in a weird way, it gave me a sense of control. And I liked that feeling. After a couple years of all of this "drama", I prayed one night and poured my heart out to God and begged him to get me away from this person. (son's bio) The very next day I met my knight in shining armor. We met online through Myspace (oldschool, I know). He adopted our son and now we have this crazy little thing called a family.
I dealt with bulimia for about two years and after meeting my husband, I never felt the need to go back there. He distracted me from all of my self image issues. He made (makes) me feel beautiful. I think I might cry while typing this. :-) I gained a lot of weight while pregnant with our daughter in 2008. LOTS of weight. I think I weighed in at the hospital at 178 lbs! I tried many fad diets, pills, nutrisystem and nothing worked. I wanted the easiest way to get thin and I didn't care how. One summer day in 2012 I decided to lace up my sketchers and go for a jog. We lived in a hilly neighborhood and I knew little to nothing about hills or running! I jogged, walked, jogged, walked, walked, walked some more. Walked up the last big hill to our house, huffing and puffing, wanting to fall over and die because my lungs were on fire! But I made it home and I took a shower and thought, I really enjoyed that! I think I'll do that again. Maybe at the school track where it's flat. And the rest is history!
The farthest I've run is 5 miles (I should be running further but I've been sidelined a few times with injuries). I would love to run every distance up to a full marathon. I'd also like to do a Spring Triathlon sometime soon!
Running has changed my life. And I'm sure it has changed my family's life as well. I am a much happier person. I have lost 43 pounds and I am happy to say I am back in the 120's!! Which I haven't seen since my husband and I were dating! My husband has hopped on the running bandwagon and is hooked just like the rest of us crazies. ;-)
I have decided to take a break from running due to (I think) an IT band injury. I also think I have runner's knee. The front of my knee hurts as well as the outside and parts of the outside of my thigh. This was a difficult decision because I know what running does for my mental health. I'm a firm believer that all things happen for a reason. I'm going to be honest with you, I'm afraid of not running. Every runner knows there isn't anything that quite compares to running.
I still struggle with my self image and my eating habits. I am no longer bulimic but I feel I still have the mentality as one who suffers from an eating disorder. If that makes any sense. I'm my own worst enemy and I want to change that. I'm ready for a huge positive change on how I perceive "me". I want my readers to know that my life isn't all daisies and rainbows all of the time. Of course I post about things that make me happy, but I would also like to use this blog as a venting station as well. And a place to find encouragement from all of you. I'm so thankful to have the running community as well as the "blogging" community.
I also have some other issues with my eyes and some head aches that keep occurring that need to be sorted out before I continue to run. I hope you'll stick around and be a part of my journey to a happier, healthier me.
My IT band is healing nicely. I've been doing what I should and I am slowly getting back into running. Yay! I can almost run a full mile with about a 5 minute walk at the beginning. I can't believe I'm happy to say I can run a mile when I got up to running 5 miles on a regular basis. Injuries have a way of humbling a person. ;-)
I have been doing some "soul searching" I guess you could call it. I'm re-prioritizing my life. I'm on a quest to fall back in love with Jesus. I've gotten so caught up in the cares of this world that I've forgotten about my love and dedication to Him. If I ever want to be free from the bondage of this horrible mindset I'm in, I need to be spiritually fulfilled. God is my source of strength and clarity. Everyone has their own place of peace, and He is mine. I have complete faith that He will heal my mind and help me to see myself in a better light, but until that day comes, I'll just continue to do my best.
I find myself thinking "I just want to feel free from the bad thoughts and vision of myself...I want to be in control. Not the scale and definitely not what I eat." I'm trying, and I'm realizing I can't get better on my own.